Coming Out-confessions of a writer

Coming out-confessions of a writer

Writing pours in me waters of fulfillment, lights up a fire in me, engages me and challenges me, why make up excuses to do something that offers me that?

I think it will help me to start this piece by a confession; I have long neglected my gift. And this goes without any reasonable excuse. Some of the “excuses” for my negligence have really been the good, old and tired excuses; I don’t have enough time; or the extra afternoon classes with the children in my community on Mondays and Wednesdays take up most of my time, that is minus two days of my week every week, coupled with ministry commitments; bible studies with the children on Tuesdays, Saturday services and Sunday school on Sunday mornings, that is another three days out of my week because all these assignments require intensive preparation. Then I have my degree, which I do via correspondence at the University Of South Africa, this requires me to draw and stick to an intensive study plan since it is far more demanding to study via distance learning than through a residential university. I also have my own personal relationships that need my attention and above everything else I also need to always be committed to availing myself to spend time with God in solitude.

Armed with a list of “excuses”, I led myself into thinking that I really did not have time for this gift.

The truth was that I was actually making excuses for my own laziness and defending my own lack of self management.

But then as I began writing this piece, I also realized that there were also a plethora of hidden and secretly buried issues of fear and lack of confidence in my writing. I secretly and unconsciously avoided exposing my work with the fear of being judged and the fear of not delivering on my own self imposed standards of excellence. In my own mind, my writing could not pass the quality tests I have set. My thinking tank was filled with wrong thoughts or beliefs that interfered greatly with my writing process and ultimately put out the fire in me.

I wanted to write from my ego. I wanted the reader to perceive me as intelligent; I wanted to be well versed in every topic under the sun.  I wanted to write like the likes of Chimamanda Adichie Ngozi, Chinua Achebe, and the late Bessie Head. After reading books such as Half of the Yellow Sun, Things fall apart, The Madonna of Excelsior, I would secretly mimic their style and follow in their ideas and pattern of thought. All these dimmed my light, drained my appetite to write, dampened my voice, derailed my progress, impede my growth and did absolutely nothing for my gift!

As I was, a time ago in a space of prayer and meditation, I experienced a renaissance in my spirit and a breakthrough in my mind that stirred up a new hunger to write. To write without fear and reservation. Take responsibility for this gift. To experience this gift and share it with the world as authentically as I can.

As in prayer and meditation I was awakened to write, to commit to the gift, to be true to the giver of the gift and allow him to be my source of inspiration, I hope this piece helps you realize how important it is to discover and pursue your talent at all costs because we all owe it to the creator to fully embrace what he has freely given to us. And in that we know he will be glorified.

With this, its 11:18 pm CAT, as I wrap up this piece, I’m pleased to announce that nothing in my schedule has changed, I still have the same responsibilities and commitments I mentioned in the start of this piece. I am the difference; someone taught me that  in my 20’s , my greatest asset is time and we are all given 24 hours to decide what we do with it, no less or more to any one.

See you later…